you can let it go, you don't have to be sorry for leaving and growing up 🤍

"I'm not totally mad at you. I'm just sad. You're all locked up in that little world of yours, and when I try knocking on the door, you just sort of look up for a second and go right back inside." 

- Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood 

sometimes i dream a lucid dream

carrying all the worries i have with me

and you should know that

home doesn't feel like home

until you come

come to my world

with rays of sunshine

and white bougainvillea in your hands

those stepping stones you walked

the breath you hold

all these times

i can guess all your nights spent alone

were as grey as mine

all the fight you fought

made you fearless with time

you must have felt like someone

who's not loved by as a child

longing for that one ray of light

and then suddenly disappearing into the dark

trying to escape the home

that never felt like one

making up a world inside your mind

where you lay under the tranquil azure sky

cumulus cloud spreading by

in your mind with memories

of things you want to erase

and some things you want to hold on to

with confusion clouding your mind

you want to lose everything you found

that scratch your worst wound.

but there will come a time when you will find

a feeling of home

in somewhere, or in someone

they'll turn your wounds into wisdom 

you will learn to grow bougainvillea in the soil of love

water them with courage and hope

the vulnerability will never leave

it's a part of you

it will always be a part of your soul.

                                                           

note: the above picture is captured by my gorgeous rommie pratikshya (love you) and she literally clicked that while on a bus ride and send it to me immediately because bougainvillea remained her of me. like can you imagine?? i'll cry like a baby. 

and yeah i'm not a rose lover kinda girlie. please bring me bougainvillea(or sunflower) for the date lol.

(i know the poem is heavy, that's why the note is silly, com'on be versatile!)