rotten heart/he'll never come back

god, i waited. oh to love and wait like the flowers wait for spring to bloom and fire for any substance that catalyze their life span. but the fire burns us, and the flowers, well, they falls to the ground and get wreaked under someone's footprint. we carry the scars from the burn, and the fragrance of the flower get embedded into some corner of our mind. it's easy to leave, but hard to forget, right? how long until the spring turns into a storm and that substance that you think your life depends on just vanishes in seconds. leaving you with pain, but the pleasure of those little moments. but, but i prayed for that love. oh, i pray to that love. i felt for the time that devotion had a name for me that'd be engraved onto my grave. and now that your name engraved here in, shall i call you mine? shall i wait a little longer? i mean i can wait for a lifetime, even if i can get just glimpses of you. watching you fade away felt like you were stabbing a sharp knife straight into the flesh of my heart, slit opening the very place that you belonged to once. what did you see? the heart of a girl who's just too soft for all of this, but still pretends to have a heart of stone? or just a rotten heart you thought was unlovable? do you remember you used to tell me about soaking raisins overnight and drinking it for my skin? well i did, and the last time i remember the raisins rotting for days in that container, like my heart. i threw those raisins and washed the container, it was clean as before, no trace of any dark past. but tragically, my heart didn't have that same fate. no one was there to clean the rottenness of my heart. the marks were so vivid, yet not visible to others. i could feel my heart rot for days in silence. and the trace remained as a reminder of the time when you were my spring and the catalyst to my burning soul. it is dark and daunting. but you are delicate and dazzling, and all i can ever think about is you not the pain you left behind. this lovelorn lover's heart is yours, and i fear i ever want it back. i fear if i never not want to rot from your love. i fear if someone will change my prophecy. and if it's not for you then i always want to be on my knees.